The three weeks of Prayer in the Plaza proved to be fruitful and defining for me. I cannot measure the impact of God’s work amongst our first responders, patients, and families but I can testify that keeping an appointment has this great benefit – God shows up. He speaks and impassions when our hearts seek to align with His.
At the same time, several of us embarked on an End Times Bible Study, posted once a day through Frontier Alliance International*. This 14 lesson Bible Study is enthralling, opening up and igniting once-familiar prophetic scriptures. Fruitful prayer time and Bible study churned my heart even more than before. My husband and I both agreed – we want to be in the flow of God’s work, we want to fulfill all His call and service appointed to us – we so want our lives to count for the Lord in these end days.
Spiritually invigorated, I prepared for a fast to go further in devotion and hear from the Lord. To what might He call me? To serve here in NYC, perhaps utilizing social work credentials to counsel or maybe the Lord would call us away. I knew He would lead as I drew near…so sure and with such anticipation I began my fast, but it quickly seemed obliterated…
Before leaving for work, Bob unwittingly disclosed something that ignited a past deep marital wound. My emotions erupted into an argument which continued fuming after he left, even moreso when I blamed him for ruining my peaceful quest to search God’s will. How could I seek the Lord when I’m so angry?
I immediately recalled a comment that I had just posted on David Ettinger’s site (EttingerWriting.com) basically stating that God uses crisis and personal calamity to expose what is in us that we might rout it out to move forward in service. This truth strongly pressed upon me, undeniably revealing a fleshly wound and sin that must be surrendered.
At first I thought I could ignore the fuming of my heart and open the word of God. Not possible. If you’re truly seeking God, He will mercifully corner you with what He wants to say. I could not escape compelling verses calling believers to ‘obey’ the word of God, wives ‘respect’ their husbands, ‘submit’…there was no way to move forward without hashing this out. The ‘argument’ was not ruining my fast, it was actually God’s response to my heartcry to serve.
When our heart is at ‘X’ but God commands ‘Y’ we can only pray for the Lord to change our heart, superficial formulas do not work. (Although I did google ‘How to Respect Your Husband When He’s a Jerk’ which was a bit helpful). I had to admit though, I fail at having, “…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” If God greatly values “gentle and quiet”, He must loath to see angry and argumentative!
So, my fasting began yesterday with a repentive cry for God to change my heart, heal my heart, and enable me to obey. Although not perfect, by the time Bob returned home, my heart had softened toward kindness and respect.
Prayer in the Plaza and invigorating Bible studies stirred my heart with a greater longing and passion to know God’s will and serve Him. Instead, a dust-up revealed flaws of my heart, a pothole I could not but go through.
But going through, I’m pressing on – trusting in our Forerunner with Whom we will not fail!
*Frontier Alliance International – for End of Age Bible Study: First download Frontier Alliance International App, then Go to Maranatha tab, then Global Bible Study then End of Age (white horse icon), click on Main Sessions.
theburninglampdotcom 
Powerful post, Lisa Beth. Though I haven’t been married for decades, there was much I could apply from this very honest piece of writing. What stuck out the most was: “When our heart is at ‘X’ but God commands ‘Y’ we can only pray for the Lord to change our heart, superficial formulas do not work.”
This is something EVERY believer must strive for.
The Lord’s richest blessings upon you and Bob!
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Wow, thank you so much David! I truly value your input and comments. And thank you for God’s blessings upon us!
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Great post, Lisa Beth! I agree with David, I also liked, “When our heart is at ‘X’ but God commands ‘Y’ we can only pray for the Lord to change our heart, superficial formulas do not work.” This is SO true! Love and blessings, Mandy
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Hi Mandy, thanks for your uplifting and encouraging comments! ❤
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All will be well and all manner of thing will be well.
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Thank you!
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Your honesty is so touching – like you, I’ve been finding that I first need to be open and honest with God about what’s really ‘getting’ to me, and then His light can shine in through the cracks, and change becomes possible – but the first step is honesty!
God shines through your blog posts 🙂
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Thank you so much Joanna, I appreciate your comments and your posts as well – esp your beautiful photos. God bless you and your family!
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Thank you, Lisa Beth. Truly, our heavenly Father has us in a good place when we are spending close and frequent time with our loved ones. He is doing much during this crisis that would not have happened without it. I have been where you are many times. Conviction and repentance are needful if we are to serve Him unhindered. The dross is not pretty but His finished work is perfect when He removes it. I pray His closeness, drawing you more and more, leading you on to serve with Bob in unity with Christ. Blessings.
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Thank you dear Frances for such wise and thoughtful comments. I appreciate your prayers and encouragement. God bless you sister. 🌷
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Wow, Lisa Beth. When we are truly desperate for God, he sometimes humbles us so we remember and experience that he is our leader and our shepherd. Your experience convicted me to remember who is deciding my steps from day to day even though I might be making big plans. Thank you for your humility, your openness, and your willingness to let God teach you instead of getting bitter over the situation. Thank you for your honesty.
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It is do good to hear from you my sister! I hope you are well – we think of you and pray for you often. I really value your encouraging comments, thank you Terri – you’re such a blessing!
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“God uses crisis and personal calamity to expose what is in us that we might rout it out to move forward in service.” Wow. How true. Thank you Lisa Beth.
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Thank you Eve, appreciate your visit and encouragement! 🌷
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Excellent, Lisa. God definitely uses our spouse to bend and shape us into Christ’s image. It’s just impossible to have an open fellowship with the Lord when we’re upset with our spouse. It’s so frustrating 🙂 Thank you for your honesty.
It’s great that you are studying the end times because we’re there.
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Amen brother, we are in the end times. I really value your encouraging words Bill, thanks so much!
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Hope you are doing ok in NY
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Yes brother we are, thank you for asking. I hope all is well with you and your church.
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Glad to hear that Lisa
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