When God Leads Into a Pothole

The three weeks of Prayer in the Plaza proved to be fruitful and defining for me.  I cannot measure the impact of God’s work amongst our first responders, patients, and families but I can testify that keeping an appointment has this great benefit – God shows up.   He speaks and impassions when our hearts seek to align with His.

At the same time, several of us embarked on an End Times Bible Study, posted once a day through Frontier Alliance International*.   This 14 lesson Bible Study is enthralling, opening up and igniting once-familiar prophetic scriptures.  Fruitful prayer time and Bible study churned my heart even more than before.  My husband and I both agreed – we want to be in the flow of God’s work, we want to fulfill all His call and service appointed to us – we so want our lives to count for the Lord in these end days.  

Spiritually invigorated, I prepared for a fast to go further in devotion and hear from the Lord.  To what might He call me?  To serve here in NYC, perhaps utilizing social work credentials to counsel or maybe the Lord would call us away.  I knew He would lead as I drew near…so sure and with such anticipation I began my fast, but it quickly seemed obliterated…

Before leaving for work, Bob unwittingly disclosed something that ignited a past deep marital wound.  My emotions erupted into an argument which continued fuming after he left, even moreso when I blamed him for ruining my peaceful quest to search God’s will.  How could I seek the Lord when I’m so angry?  

I immediately recalled a comment that I had just posted on David Ettinger’s site (EttingerWriting.com)  basically stating that God uses crisis and personal calamity to expose what is in us that we might rout it out to move forward in service.  This truth strongly pressed upon me, undeniably revealing a fleshly wound and sin that must be surrendered.

At first I thought I could ignore the fuming of my heart and open the word of God.  Not possible.  If you’re truly seeking God, He will mercifully corner you with what He wants to say.  I could not escape compelling verses calling believers to ‘obey’ the word of God, wives ‘respect’ their husbands, ‘submit’…there was no way to move forward without hashing this out.  The ‘argument’ was not ruining my fast, it was actually God’s response to my heartcry to serve.

When our heart is at ‘X’ but God commands ‘Y’ we can only pray for the Lord to change our heart, superficial formulas do not work.  (Although I did google ‘How to Respect Your Husband When He’s a Jerk’ which was a bit helpful).  I had to admit though, I fail at having, “…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  If God greatly values “gentle and quiet”, He must loath to see angry and argumentative!

So, my fasting began yesterday with a repentive cry for God to change my heart, heal my heart, and enable me to obey.   Although not perfect, by the time Bob returned home, my heart had softened toward kindness and respect.

Prayer in the Plaza and invigorating Bible studies stirred my heart with a greater longing and passion to know God’s will and serve Him.  Instead, a dust-up revealed flaws of my heart, a pothole I could not but go through.

But going through, I’m pressing on – trusting in our Forerunner with Whom we will not fail!

*Frontier Alliance International   –  for End of Age Bible Study:  First download Frontier Alliance International App, then Go to Maranatha tab,  then Global Bible Study then End of Age (white horse icon), click on  Main Sessions.

 

 

Restricting God – Let Me Count the Ways…

Many of us are frequently stirred and humbled by the testimonies of missionaries and servants of God. From Biblical times to present day, men and women proclaim the power of God as He leads them to hidden places of suffering. Surrendered vessels who seem totally insignificant become agents of Most High God, affecting lives for eternity.

And we want that too! Who wouldn’t want their temporary life here to matter in God’s Kingdom? Who, knowing the Lord, wouldn’t want all His purposes and intentions come to fruition? And so we too cry out, perhaps at an altar, perhaps in our private prayer….

“Lord, use me, send me! I want my life to matter, to count…”

isaiah1

THEN our flesh speaks ‘sense’ into our cry,

“BUT Lord…”
….don’t send me any place hot, you know how I hate the heat. I would be miserable
….you know I couldn’t go very far, you know my limits, I have responsibilities…
….don’t send me to blah-blah, I could never eat that food, and the bugs are ginormous. Agh, Lord send someone else there
….send me to truly needy people, not to those blah-blah; they’re always trying to rip off the system
….I would serve in a hospital ministry but the germs… and who really knows if those comatose people can even hear the Gospel?
….prisons are, well, dangerous. I’m too old….I’m too young
….please don’t call me to serve in my own neighborhood,  that’s too boring!
….if I go there, if I do that – wouldn’t I lose everything?

By the time we’re finished we’re no longer stirred…we’re discouraged!

Underneath is unbelief  which doesn’t really restrict God but restricts us from grasping His best for our lives.

American Christianity may have a foundational flaw embedded from our culture of ‘rugged individualism’ and ‘opportunity’ and ‘freedom’. We defend the rights to excel, possess, invest and express.  True Christianity smashes that self-reliant lifestyle. No one naturally wants to die to ‘self’ but when we resist complete surrender, resist the cross of Christ, we risk missing His perfect call upon our lives.

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”  Jonah 2:8

I for one am not at the place of total surrender. I want to be though, especially in these last days where prophecy points to the soon return of our Lord. I hope for a deeper burden for the lost, not stoked by fleeting and temporal emotions, but one birthed by the Holy Spirit which defies my emotions and intellect.

Would anyone join me in prayer?

“Lord, thank you for saving me and abiding within me. I believe that, no matter what failures mark my life, no matter how ordinary or limited I perceive my life, You are not limited and You can never fail. I pray for a calling, a heavenly burden that will overshadow and nullify every fear and obstacle. Help me to trust You, Lord. Don’t let me imagine remote and ‘fantastic’ things while missing the ‘woman at the well’. Loosen my grip on the things of this world and help me to walk with a view of eternity. In Jesus name, Amen.”

“God promises not just to save us but to give us a full and meaningful life.”  

“We are called to be a testimony to the world that God is alive.”

(Pastor Carter Conlon, Times Square Church)